Thursday, January 13

"i'm like a...."

It’s the moment right after the moment his hand met your face. Not a shocked palm-slap in movies or the backhand of a betrayed husband, but the sharp mountains of knuckles. Starting with that moment where he raised his hand in the first place, threatening you, you didn’t believe this was happening. Later on you’ll miss the bliss of not knowing, of thinking this must be a dream while he screams.

Right now, right in this moment, the nerves in your cheek are sending blips to the pain receptors in your brain and it’s getting real pretty damn fast. For the rest of your life, you will be defined by the moment. You will, from this moment on, be the kid who gets hit by people he trusts. You are this moment, through and through, and nothing will ever erase it or conceal it or make you ok with it.

You didn’t say anything. Everything was quiet, just like always, just like normal. He was angry, just like normal. But your heart was pounding, your breath fast and sharp. He’d never hit you in your face before. He never made it that personal. Today is the day. He tells you, you better get out of this house before that bruise heals. Or he’ll kill you. He says it like he’s been thinking it awhile.

And maybe you leave, maybe it only takes three days for you to get the hell out of there and never look back, but home is where the heart is and every night you dream his face and every day you are still in that moment. You still are the moment.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

wow... *hugs*
smile on the outside

January 13, 2005 at 9:14 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

later: had one of those moments today. actually, the whole day has set me back two years. :-( so much for progress: i'm still the moment.
smile on the outside

January 13, 2005 at 1:33 PM  
Blogger Alize said...

I just happen to find you through a random google search but i've started to read some of your posts. You have written the most beautiful things I have ever read. Keep writing and Thank you.

January 13, 2005 at 9:03 PM  

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