Thursday, December 16

from the archives (when i get manic i write long emails)


(It really bothers me that I don't remember who this originally was to. If you are the person I wrote this to, let me know. It might not have actually been to anyone. It sounds like the kind of thing I would just make up.)

Dear _____,

On friday I got told TWICE that my life was "boring." Who are these people, and since when was it their business whether or not my life is boring? I guess I never really thought about it before. I'm rarely (if ever) bored, so wouldn't that mean my life isn't boring? Apparently not.


Of course, the two people who told me this think that you're not having fun unless you're tripping off acid (on acid? can opposite prepositions describe the same thing? how strange), so I suppose their opinions don't really matter. Also, they're homophobic and I hate them anyway.


But seriously, boring? I don't think anyone's life ever SOUNDS exciting. The basis of human existence is: eat, sleep, work/school, watch tv; repeat as necessary. (Hey, 1 out of 4 ain't bad.)


Have you seen "A Beautiful Mind"? If so, remember the part where he's decoding all the stuff from the magazines, and he has all these magazine pages pinned up all over his walls and on his desk? I've cleaned up all my shit and ended up taping most of it to the walls, because I think I "NEED" to keep it but don't know what else to do with it. Staring at a TO SCALE version of my "dream barn," I'm feeling a little weird. Maybe I'm crazy and imagining everone, too! I'm just not smart enough to find "codes" in magazines.


I had a very interesting conversation with Toby about the effects of cocaine, and he was laughing because I was being manic and he says, "What you're feeling right now? That's it." On top of the world. Sounds good.


Luke's been listening to David Sedaris. Davy's boyfriend's name is Hugh. That cracks me up. What kind of name is Hugh? If my name were Hugh, I might be tempted to shoot myself--or get a name change. Or move to Colombia (for the men and a "fresh start" where I could be known as HOOLIAHN). Oh, yeah, Davy and speed. That's Luke's favorite part, so far. He talks about how he becomes an artist (except he's not a very good one, just likes to say he's an artist because it sounds cool) and starts doing some meth and is basically nuts, calling people at 3 in the morning. Toby said: "Sucks for you. You get all these fun psuedo-drug symptoms but you can't piss people off calling them in the middle of the night!" (Ten points for using "psuedo" in every day conversation.)


I miss you. Last night I had a waking dream about you. I won't tell you about it; I'm sure you can imagine for yourself.


I'm reading this book called "Stop Pretending" (subtitle: "what happened when my big sister went crazy"). It's a bunch of poems. It's interesting. You can be like Marla--I dated this guy once with a split personality. Except I don't really have a split personality, not in the sense that I think I'm two different people, more in the sense that....


Oops. I went to pet Rio and lost my train of thought.


I miss you. I already said that once, but I guess I think repeating it will make you remember. Don't forget about me when you are busy with all your new friends. :) I haven't forgotten about you with all my...ok...I don't have any friends...but I still haven't forgotten about you! It just doesn't sound so impressive anymore. Damn.


I have to go WORK in the COLD now. Pray that I don't get frostbite and have to have all my limbs amputated.


I love you.


(I'd give it all away/to have someone to come home to.)


-jd

3 Comments:

Blogger GA - Keith said...

I think it's the honesty, gut-wrenching and otherwise.

December 17, 2004 at 9:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It is remarkable, this very valuable message

March 6, 2010 at 5:39 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It — is senseless.

March 13, 2010 at 9:47 PM  

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