Thursday, November 4

thy kingdom come


All night I am plagued with dreams of death and dying, and he wakes me up several times to hold me close and kiss me. He thinks the dreams are about my death, which isn't that unlikely, but when the phone rings we know better.

He says nothing but "yeah" and "ok" until he hangs up the phone. He switches to talking with his hands. "Grandma died," he says. He isn't crying yet but just wait.

Grandma, the beautiful, strong woman who first got past all the bullshit and politics to welcome me to the family. The woman who fought cancer for thirteen months when she was told she only had six, only because she knew we weren't ready to let go. The woman who taught me to play "chopsticks" on the piano despite knowing I was deaf; she loved music so much she wouldn't cut anyone out. The woman who took us to church services and then told us to ignore them, our love was the real thing. She is the woman who gave me something to go home to--a home at all.

He didn't ever cry. We both know that she's not really gone. Because of all the methadone and the million other drugs she was on to control the pain, her mind was already not with us.

Those of you who pray, please keep her and our family in those prayers tonight. For those of you who don't, mention the passing of a great woman to someone you care about. And, of course, don't forget to say that you love them immensely. She deserves that much.

3 Comments:

Blogger Michael said...

Julian,

It's been awhile since we've talked and it's kinda sad to hear about life on this note, but I'll take it. Don't worry... you guys are in my prayers.

I miss talking to you and hope life, Toby, and Johnny Depp are treating you well. Email me if you get the chance. it would definitely bring a smile.

I think I may go horseback riding soon...

November 4, 2004 at 2:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

<3...
and
*hugs*
~libby
smile on the outside

November 5, 2004 at 12:29 AM  
Blogger GA - Keith said...

What a lucky woman to have such love in her life.
My thoughts are with you.

k.

November 8, 2004 at 2:01 PM  

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