Sunday, November 21

i need a new project. must start writing again.

I've spent a couple hours reading through pretty much all the documents on my computer, all the stories I started and bad poetry from 2002 and shit I thought was important enough to save. I find a document called "lanie" and wonder what the hell that is, I've never had a character named Lanie and--

Lightbulb. I once had a reader named Lanie.

The document is password protected (once upon a time I was hiding everything from people, what was up with that? I'm such a paranoid depressive) so it takes a few tries to remember what my password was back then, but after all I've used the same two passwords since I owned a computer so it's not that hard to guess.

It's an instant messanger conversation from August 7, 2002. With Lanie. Discussing something that I had recently finished writing, this 30-page monster that was True Sins of Everyday Men (the title started out as a joke and never got changed, though it has little to do with the story). It took me a year of unbelievable sacrifice. Yes, writing is hard! I don't care what you believe. That was back when I thought eventually I'd write something to be published, eventually I'd write something novel-length and it'd actually make sense. It's not that I've given up on that, I just suddenly attained other ambitions and Zoloft so I don't write as much anymore.

Anyway, here's the line from Lanie that made me want to start writing again: "you come for the porn, you stay for the story." She also says (yes, I'm just repeating this for an ego boost), "I read your stuff and I'm sitting there in awe" and "Do you know you're just wonderful? I want you to know that."

I miss people who cared about my writing. I miss caring about my writing.

I'll think of a new project soon enough. Maybe something more real or gritty or something. Maybe that musical about the hack group. It'll be good and worth it, I hope.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

heeeeeeeeeeeeey, now...
i take that as somewhat as an insult.
i've always cared about your writing...
i've been with you since kennanbrae on tod, remember?
there's a reason i love you so much, and it definitely has to do with the writing.
smile on the outside

November 22, 2004 at 8:22 AM  

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