Saturday, October 9

why he won't kiss me


"You're too young for me. And I'm straight."

That's never stopped anyone before.

But really what we're coming down to is mincing words, because when he says it's not a kiss it was a "lip sucking," I get a little confused, because last time I checked there were mouths and tongues involved and that's pretty much what a kiss is. I don't think you get much more kiss-like than that.

Mostly we just go to the non-cool college kid hangout. He sings pirate songs with friends and I nuzzle against the vibration of his throat. Cold cold cold, I'm signing, and he wraps his arms tighter around me. "I'm totally straight," he tells me for the millionth time (I'm supposed to have the bad memory) and we laugh but his smile is much prettier.

"Let me tell you about him," a mutual friend says. "He's just one of those people that has smoked so much weed and gone to so many Phish concerts that he operates on a totally different frequency than the rest of us. To him this is straight behavior. Don't sweat it."

Of course I'm not sweating anything, it's 49 degrees and I have bad circulation. He can tell people whatever he wants, but that doesn't change sweet nothings in my inbox (and by sweet nothings I mean it. Emails usually go something like "Good morning. Thinkin about you. Sweet nothings--Justin") or calls like, "Yo yo, are we going out tonight because I sorta had plans but I'd rather be with you so I need to know so I can think of a way to blow off this other thing, get back to me and don't forget the nose nuzzles."

Andre just got a totally gorgeous girlfriend and tell us he'll have a party when he sees us kiss for the first time. He says he's going to buy a noise maker and carry it around with him until it happens. Maybe this is why Justin won't kiss me, but it really doesn't have to be that public. Maybe he's just waiting for me to get the mattress in the back of my pickup truck.

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