Saturday, October 2

blah blah blah

High-schoolers amaze me. I don't know what it is about college, but there are very few college freshmen that are as stupid as high school seniors. I think over the summer, the government abducts all graduates to do a brain-swap that allows them to appear intelligent, versus a bunch of assholes who create psuedo-relationships just to break psuedo-relationships by creating another one with someone else. Or, whatever. The drama is just way too complicated to even delve into. (And for the record, people who cheat will always cheat. The end. It's not that he cheated on his girlfriend because you are so much better than she is; he cheated on his girlfriend because he's a lying fuckface and you were available.)

At college you can bring your guitar and sit around singing musicals all day. Class is a mild irritation. But you go, and you pass, because after all you are paying $60 a credit hour, and what's the point of failing when there's that much money involved?

There's also the sudden realization that the only reason relationships need titles in the first place is to assure you that no one is going to go away on you, that you have a little bit of control in the situation. All his attention is for you, even if it's not. Essentially life is a lot better when you know by his actions that he is yours instead of just empty words. And when you know it, really know it, then it doesn't matter if he does go away for a little--because he'll always come back.

88 pounds does not feel as good as it should. Doesn't feel like much of anything. I'm alive without really being so.

He ran away for a couple days, just to get some alone time. He needs a lot of that but it's the last thing I need, so I'm deciding if I'll spend the weekend with Justin or Pretty Ryan. So many pretty boys, so little time.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

i dont know where youre payin only $60/credit... but it beats the $583/credit it is here... four years and a hundred thousand dollars later, i might have my degree, long as i dont blow it on the easy stuff...
"I'm alive without really being so." i like that, because thats how i feel too. im stuck in a very odd place and i cant define it, but im just looking...watching the world go by and wondering what all this silliness is really about...
*hugs anyway*
smile on the outside

October 2, 2004 at 12:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

just wondering... do you even think of me anymore???

- you know who

October 6, 2004 at 2:56 PM  
Blogger GA - Keith said...

I miss you buddy and your writing. And I worry about you, though I am fucked up about whether that is a good thing to do or not.

Coming back to your web site is a reminder that there might be a day when I come back for days and days and see nothing at all. Is this the day?

"It's not that he cheated on his girlfriend because you are so much better than she is; he cheated on his girlfriend because he's a lying fuckface and you were available."

Who writes like this? If there is anyone else, I cannot find him. But I haven't had to look either. Doubt I would find him.


October 7, 2004 at 10:51 AM  

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